Sometimes there’s nothing you can do about a Dodo at the top

Life would be much better if there were only monkeys like us. After all, given enough time, we can accomplish pretty much everything. However, it’s not at all as easy as that:

Let’s assume for a second that there are just two types of creatures around: monkeys and dodos (yeah, I know, I know, but at least they can’t sue as anymore). For simplicity’s sake, let us also assume that monkeys will always get it right, no matter what they have to do, and that dodos will utterly fail time and time again.

Now we look at the scenario where a huge amount of excel reports must be filled out. A team leader will create the basic templates and delegate the work to his subordinates. However, there is only a limited amount of monkey labour force around, and government regulations encourage workplace diversity.

So, would you rather put a hard-working monkey (who will kick your ass at computerized brain tests anytime) or a dodo in charge? While the monkey certainly deserves the more prestigous position, the answer is not as easy as it might seem.

Scenario 1) Dodo in charge

The Dodo will generate the template and, of course, screw up big time. Yet the monkeys will probably discover and address the mistakes at some point (at worst after they’re finished) and then put in some extra effort. For this purpose we assume that a monkey can handle twice the original workload within a given time perios.

scenario 2) Monkey in charge

Here the monkey distributes the correct template to his dodo colleagues, who in some inconceivable way manage to make a mess of it. So the monkey has to do everything itself, but since it cannot handle the work of three dodos, the result is failure to meet the deadline.

Obviously, in reality you will most likely enounter situations that lie between the two extreme scenarios.The important lesson, however, is that even if you have the most capable monkey at the top cannot succeed at its task if the ratio of dodos to monkeys exceeds 2:1 (and that does not even consider the time constraints and the fact that dodos usually hand in their results at the latest possible point in time).

Bingo Generator

As previously announced, here is the guide to generating bingo sheets using Excel:

Start out by creating two worksheets, one will serve as our buzzword database, the other one will be used to generate our bingo matrices (we’ve labelled them “data” and “bingo”, respectively.

Here is the basic layout we used for our database, I guess you get the idea.

Now for the matrix itself, if you used our format you can just copy the formula below into cell B3 and then drag it up to the matrix size you want. It basically generates a random number between 1 and the number of buzzwords in the data sheet and then displays the buzzword assigned to that number.

You might have realized that duplicate entries are possible and actually rather likely with this method. We might address this issue in an upcoming post. We will also try to implement a way of evaluating the matrix difficulty based on the relative frequency of the individual buzzwords, but right now this monkey don’t want to type no more.

The Art of Bullshit Bingo

Bullshit or Buzzword Bingo has proven to be one of our favourite pastimes in countless dull lectures. The game has been a staple of classroom entertainment for quite a while, so we’re not going to pretend we have reinvented the wheel here.

Instead, we’ll try to show you how you can maximize your bingo experience with our time-tested insights into this simple yet awesome game, including a quick and dirty guide to making your very own spreadsheet-based bingo generator.

to be updated in tomorrow’s International Management lectures.

Nailing it to the Church Door

… Concevons qu’on ait dressé un million de singes à frapper au hasard sur les touches d’une machine à écrire et que, sous la surveillance de contremaîtres illettrés, ces singes dactylographes travaillent avec ardeur dix heures par jour avec un million de machines à écrire de types variés. Les contremaîtres illettrés rassembleraient les feuilles noircies et les relieraient en volumes. Et au bout d’un an, ces volumes se trouveraient renfermer la copie exacte des livres de toute nature et de toutes langues conservés dans les plus riches bibliothèques du monde… [Parable of the Monkeys]

Inspired by the utter brilliance of Émile Borel, 3 monkeys with an infinite amount of lectures are on their lone journey to power, wisdom and glory